"Be Thou Humble"

Jesus Christ is the perfect example. We can look to Him for help in all things. "Truly He taught us to love one another."

Pride: it is the universal sin. Marriage is no exception. So often pride creeps into our marriages. We start to become selfish and think more about our needs and wants rather than concerning ourselves with what our spouse desires first. We may start to focus on their weaknesses instead of looking in the mirror and recognizing our own stumbling blocks. I am guilty of this. Over time, I have become more prideful in my marriage and I didn't hardly recognize it. President Ezra Taft Benson says that "the antidote of pride is humility".

 If we are prideful though, how do we become humble? We can become humble through the same One who is the best example of humility. Jesus Christ offers the Atonement. Through the enabling power of the Atonement we can change. We can repent and we can be forgiven. We can receive the help and guidance of the Holy Ghost to help us in those moments when the natural man in us wants to choose pride over humility.

When we turn to Christ, we can do all things. If we lose ourselves in giving in our marriage and putting our spouse before us, we will find greater happiness. We WILL find ourselves.

https://www.lds.org/media-library/images/category/artwork-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng&start=41&end=80&order=

Turn Towards...

Turn towards your spouse. What does this mean? My understanding of "turning towards each other" is small acts of kindness. Learning to recognize the needs of each other and working to fulfill those needs will strengthen the marriage and emotional relationship. I think it means to have a soft heart. It means learning to participate in and supporting the things they enjoy. Put their needs before your own. Do the little things for them; the small acts of kindness. Listen to them. Put your phone down. Be present and in the moment with them. Try to see things through their eyes. "Cleave unto [each other] and none else." (D&C 42:22). As I have thought and pondered on this the past week, I have felt that the best way for me to turn towards my husband, is to first turn towards the Lord. I believe that when we turn towards God, we become more genuine and selfless. We become our best selves and we will turn more towards our spouse.

I Absolutely Adore You!

How often do we say or think this about our spouse? I know that I love my husband. I never doubt that, but do I admire him? Do I think about his great qualities and the things that attract me to him? This week I made a discovery. I don't nourish my admiration and fondness for my husband as much as I should.

When I was dating my husband, he was always on my mind. I loved everything, (ok, MOST everything) about him. I adored him. I couldn't stop talking about him. We all know how this goes. Then marriage happens. It's great. Then the honeymoon stage ends and real life hits, AND...most likely you still admire each other but you don't realize it as much. You don't constantly think of each other. Sometimes, you may not even really want to be around your spouse. Caring for someone and admiring them takes work. I compare it to running. You might be able to run 15 miles but if you stop running for a few months, you most likely wont just pick up where you left off and start running 15 miles again. You have to work to get your strength and condition back to where it was. The same goes with your marriage and relationships. Just as it is easier to continuously run long miles and keep what you have gained than it is to stop running for a period of time and then try to regain what you have lost, so it is with our relationships. If we are continuously thinking of the positive attributes our spouse has and what we enjoy and admire about them, our love and admiration will continue to grow and it will be something that is more natural and familiar to us. If we lose sight of the things we adore about our spouse, then it is going to take more work to focus on the positive qualities they have.

If nourish our admiration and cherish our spouse more, we will have a more fulfilling and loving relationship. I encourage you to make a list of the things you love and admire about your spouse and keep it. Read it when you need it most.

Friends First

When my husband and I met, our relationship started to grow quickly. We weren't friends for very long before our relationship moved to more of a dating status. I remember one day talking with my new "friend".  He brought up a lesson someone had taught him. He said it important to be friends first before we develop a romantic relationship, or more so a dating relationship.  We needed to have the friendship base before we started down the road of courtship. He compared it to a triangle. The tip of the triangle is a romantic relationship and the base is friendship. If we invert the triangle with the bottom being a romantic relationship, it isn't likely to be a solid relationship. An inverted triangle tends to be wobbly.

 

This has always stuck with me. Jesse soon became my best friend as we talked a lot and learned more about each other. 

Eventually the romantic relationship followed and now 6 1/2 years later, he is still my "bestest buddy" as our 5 year old calls it. I'm grateful that we developed a friendship. Now, something that I have noticed is, there are times in our marriage where our friendship isn't as strong and we have to work on it and strengthen it. We have to be reminded that we are great friends. It doesn't come as easy as it once did now that there are many other variables in our relationship, such as children and other responsibilities.

This week, in my reading of John Gottman's book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, I was delighted to find how much emphasis Gottman puts on friendship. He says the most successful and happy marriages have a strong friendship base. Those couples are good friends.I have a great desire to become even better friends with my husband even more than I do to develop a more romantic relationship. The friendship is more important to me. I know that it is the base and the romantic part will always follow.